I cannot tell you who wrote this, but I found this and other great things at everything2.com. Thank you whomever you are.
Coffee, have I ever told you just how much I love you? I may have murmured in the heat of the moment how grateful I was that you alone were there for me, but I've never specifically set time aside for just the two of us, just to let you know just how special you are.
Coffee, you excite me. When I'm at my lowest, the thought of holding a steaming cup of you is the only thing keeping me from falling asleep standing up. Even when I can't stand the burned, stale mess the Sugar Shack makes of you, just sitting in there, your aroma wafts over the counter, putting a spring in my step and some small measure of alertness in my apathetic gaze. The smell of coffee and donuts sticks in the seams of my hooded sweatshirt, reminding me even now of your everlasting presence.
When I finally find a half-decent mug of you in my hands, you wash everything bad out of my mind. The world is wonderful for a few minutes. There's only you and me. I take that first sip, scalding my tongue, suddenly remembering I don't even LIKE coffee, but just as quickly I forget again as warmth and caffeine and that sweet sugar rush spreads all the way to my fingertips. Ah, sweet coffee-induced bliss. There's nothing like that injection of pure caffeine and sugar, nothing in all the world. It's the best legal high there is.
And in the hottest days of summer, you're there again - confections of crushed ice and cream and sugar syrup and flavoring and that small but utterly crucial shot of very strong coffee dance in my dreams. On those rare but lovely occasions I actually find one in front of me, that decadent, sticky coolness coats my throat, refreshing as nothing else in the world could ever be.
Ah, coffee, you miraculous beverage, existing only as the least-diluted carrier form of caffeine known to man. I am forever indebted to the sheer nervous energy you've brought to my life, to the masses of calories I've burned just from my hands twitching. You brighten my days, lengthen my nights, and make my life just that much more energetic. I love you.