October 18, 2010

George Carlin on baseball and football


Baseball is a 19th century pastoral game.
Football is a 20th century technological game.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park . . . the baseball park.
Football is played on a gridiron in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything is dying.

Football is played in any kind of weather--rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog…
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

In football, you wear a helmet.
In baseball, you wear a cap!

Football is concerned with downs. What down is it? Oh, it's the last down.
Baseball is concerned with ups. Who's up? Are you up? He's up! I'm up!!

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute WARNING.

And, of course, the objectives of the games are also completely different.
In football, the object is for the quarterback, sometimes called the field general, to riddle the defense with his aerial assault, by hitting his targets with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

In baseball, the object is to get home . . .and to be safe! Safe at home.

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