April 7, 2008


I don't usually have bad dreams, but last night I did.

If I do have a bad dream, and I'm sure everyone does, it dosen't carry over into consciousness. I only remember that I had one. But last night was an exception.

I don't believe that dreams are precursors of things to come, or precognitions, but they seem so real.

As I write this I am still hung over with the thoughts of my journey through dark thoughts.

I think I understand that dreams are dramatizations of our worst fears, ignited by I don't know what. If I did I would be sure not to consume whatever it is or not think such thoughts again just before bed.

My dreams have changed through the years as I have aged, as my life circumstances have changed, as my greatest fears have rearranged themselves. One of the prevailing themes of my night trips is that I am lost and spend the whole night, it seems, traveling to nowhere or in circles.

Another is that I am at work among someone I remember from my real working days, but just kind of hanging around because I did not know what to do or that I was a pretender that had not yet been caught in my ineptness.

Last nights dream sent a chill up my spine literally and woke me up at a too early to stay-up hour, but I got up, stayed up for a short time and then returned to my bed, and darn if the dream didn't start right back up again.

This time my dream has a little twist to it, but God it was scary to me. I was lost again, but this time I was driving and it was of course dark and dreary, and I turned up a road I did not know of course and it turned out to be railroad tracks that I was driving on. The roadbed got steeper and steeper and my wheels started slipping on the slippery tracks until I became more and more panicky. I finally in desperation turned the steering wheel and the car came off the tracks and started to plunge downward. I woke up remembering it all.

I wish I hadn't.

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