October 10, 2006

ELDERLY-MAN: An Adventure
By Jim Kittelberger

What the heck do you do with yourself all day?

If you’re retired, you’ve heard this question a dozen times. I
Sometimes wonder the opposite, what did I do before I retired.
Since retirement, wonderful new worlds have opened up for me,
Almost like a renaissance of a sort. My wife and I, separately or together
Seem to need more time each day to do whatever it is we do.
Of one thing I’m certain, each day brings that feeling I used to
Get when I had a snow day off from school, unexpected freedom
From worry and stress, at least for another day. Except in retirement
It is every day. How many times during your working life, did you
Look outside and see the snow piling up or the rain coming down so
Hard you knew you’d drown in it, and you wished you could just put
On another cup of coffee or tea and open a book and settle in and
Ignore the outside. Well we do have that freedom, and the feeling
Is exactly the same, wonderful unscheduled time to go where ever
Your heart and mind leads you.

What you have read above is exactly the way it should be. You have worked hard and earned your time for relaxation, travel, or whatever you most enjoy. It is not the time to be taken advantage of. If you and/or your spouse have a problem you cannot handle because of your age, contact me, elderly-man and I will set it right and I will enjoy doing it. I can be contacted at the following number. When life no longer seems fair, contact Elderly-Man and he will make the difference.

Till then,

Elderly-man stands ready to fight all foes, right any wrongs,

“What the devil are you doing Bruce?” Her brittle voice jolted him back to reality. “I thought I told you to take the garbage out; it’s starting to stink, and when you get done with that I’ve got something else for you to do,” exclaimed Helga, exasperated once again at having Bruce under her feet all day now since he retired and losing patience with his ineptness at almost everything he has tried since then.

Well, in real life I’m not exactly your everyday superhero, but in my mind I could live a different life, Bruce thought. For example, just yesterday as I was running an errand to the supermarket, I witnessed a bus driver berating an elderly woman about being too slow to exit his bus. I morphed from Bruce into elderly-man and presented myself at the bus door. As I stood there looking in, the driver in his most bully-loud voice asked if I was sightseeing or was I getting on, I was holding up his schedule. In my greatest duke/clint walk, I entered his bus, and to the drivers great surprise and subsequent fear, lifted him out of his seat by the lapels of his jacket, and proceeded to educate him about the etiquette required from him from this point on to all senior citizens. Further, if I got any report of his belligerent talk, and impolite attitudes, he would be eternally sorry. Of course, he cringed like a beaten dog and acknowledged his wicked ways and promised to correct them. I smiled the smile of righteousness and thought it would be nice and proper if he stood and apologized to all his passengers for his misdeeds, which of course he did. The folks on the bus gave him the look that promised if he did not change they would again contact elderly-man and he would be forever sorry. Then they all stood, smiling and applauded him for his good work. Elderly-man puffed out his chest, smiled the smile of right and good, gave them a wave and off he went, another bad mannered ruffian set right.

“Well,” she shouted, “are you going to do what I asked or do I have to do everything around here? You’re such a wuss.”

Oh if she only knew, he thought, and he smiled that elderly-man smile.

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